This was from a journal entry written the summer after I traveled with Student Life and during my last semester of school. I’d been jobless since the second-ish week of August and was only a part time student. These are a grouping of journal entries about the Nashville move:
September 12, 2004
Today has been a good day? Yes? Hmmm…It really has, but it takes lots of reflection to come to that conclusion. Maybe I didn’t want it to be a good day – maybe I wanted it to be and I feel sorry for myself day and I almost got my wish. Either way, it ended up differently because of the huge range of emotion. I am coming to find that I do place way too much importance on the job – the actual paycheck wielding job – that I do. I feel purposeless and I hate it. I can’t even throw myself into my school work or anything…
I can’t seem to get out of this depression, and as much as I hate to admit it, I know that a lot of it is that post-camp, down-off-the-high-of-a-built-in-set-of-friends funk. I really miss having so many people around to do things with. I don’t want to become a hassle to the people here by always needing to hang out or go somewhere or just be in a constant state of activity. At the same time, I do desire that one friend that will let me just lay it all out there and then give advice – and expect me to do the same! I feel like al I’m getting is the sympathetic “yeah, uh-huh” advice of someone who really doesn’t want to be that involved with what’s going on with me. Because of the deficiency of a listening ear, though, I feel like I unload everything on anyone who will stop to talk to me. I don’t want to be this person – this needy, “My So Called Life” entity 0 I don’t need affirmation all the time…but is it bad to admit that I want it sometimes?
I just want to know that I’m doing a good job.
So, from this we learn that Jennifer has the same struggles now as she did five years ago. Comforting or depressing?
November 28, 2004
Well, Haley didn’t get to come because she lost her job that Thursday. (This makes no sense without the earlier post, and seems totally harsh, but basically Haley was going to come to Birmingham and Atlanta, but couldn’t because she lost a job that she didn’t really like. So it’s all good.) I really really missed seeing her, but I can understand what kept her home. Natalie Stone and I ended up striking out for Atlanta – and we had so much fun! We went shopping at Lenox Square and saw Downhere at a worship service. I met Marc, the lead singer, who I’m pretty sure edit, edit, edit…which brings up another fun part of the weekend.
Natalie and I have decided to move to Nashville toward the first of the year. We’re even going to look at apartments this coming weekend. Since there is a Tier office there, as well as some other jobs to investigate, I think this is a really positive thing for me. I need some new surroundings to drag me out of this weird mood I’ve been in for too long. We plan to move as soon as Natalie is able to sub-lease her apartment, and I might even move in with her at the end of December…we’ll have to wait and see on that. (Natalie actually ended up moving into the Dollhouse with me for about a week in January…Haley even lived there, too. Dave was also living there at the time. Oh, the Dollhouse. Fun(ish) while it lasted, but never again.)
This has been a really weird Thanksgiving. On Wednesday night I started dog sitting for the Sanders, and I’ve had fun, but it’s been a lonely holiday. I got to drive down to Selma for dinner on Thursday, but Daddy, Ed, Candi Sarah and Wynn weren’t there. I’m driving home tonight to see them, but I’ll just have to come back either late tonight or tomorrow morning. On Wednesday, I found out that a tornado destroyed the lakehouse and the boats. I feel really weird about a part of my childhood being just wiped out like that. Daddy, Ed, Uncle Harvey and Uncle Clem have been working over there to clean up all weekend, so I’ll hear more about it tonight. I haven’t decided if I’m going to drive over and see it yet or not. I might go over there on Tuesday.
Almost time to take the dogs on one last walk!
That was the Thanksgiving that I sat at the Sanders (Professor Don Sanders in the music department, for all you Samford folks) and made my Christmas cards. They would’ve freaked out if they’d seen all the ripped up children’s books, paint, sequins and glitter in their living room…but my clumsy self didn’t get any oil paints on their stuff; high five!)
January 16, 2005
I have had the most incredible weekend! Natalie and I went to Nashville to look at the Alara Brook apartments, and we signed an application! It is going to be so great! We set a move in date of February 1, and we can push that back to February 15 with this application. It is so good to have even one deadline set! This will let me move more confidently ahead with my job search while also being able to tell jobs here when I am leaving. (I had two jobs that season…one as the financial secretary at Southside Baptist and one as an admin at SME, a geo-something-or-other firm.) Mama is going to see if they need help in the Tier office in Nashville during February, and that will let me have something to do if I don’t find a full time job. TWO WEEKS! I’m so excited! (As if you couldn’t tell by my exclamation points!) My only worry is that Natalie won’t be ready to move by then – but I’m sure I can find someone to stay with for a week or two!
This morning, we went to Woodmont Baptist with the Dunhams – it was amazing to see them, and I know that in no time flat it will be like I’ve never gone a day without seeing them! (Note: I haven’t seen them in three years, at least…) They took us to lunch and gave us advice for looking for jobs – they mentioned names of people we should meet and jobs they thought would be good for us. I got filled in on Katie’s life and saw Carter for the first time since he’s had a single digit age! He’s 17 – wow!
It was so, so encouraging and reaffirming to see them and get to spend time with them. I hope that I can look up even more old friends of mine and my family’s over the net month or so – it will be amazing to get a second chance with old friends!
TWO MORE WEEKS!
April 18, 2005
So…apparently I was going to attempt to describe our lives in Nashville leading up to now…but I’ve changed my mind. Basically, we’re all finally employed, pretty happy, and starting to “get a life” in Franklin. Yesterday we joined the church – Rolling Hills Community – and I feel like that is a huge step in the right direction for becoming involved in the community.
We have lived in Nashville for two and a half months – and it seems like much longer – in a good way. I think that taking so long to find a job worked well in the long run – it let us get our bearings and make this home before getting bogged down in a routine. We do have personality differences in our apartment – edit, edit, edit (haha!) – but all in all our personalities complement one another very well.
Tomorrow is the last Blast from the Past post, unless I find something really exciting, like a short story from elementary school or something. Once I wrote a story about how a girl finds out her dad is Steven Tyler…why I landed on him as a character I don’t know, but maybe I’ll try to find it…